Ma Larkin-like I rested...

my breasts on the wall,

Pam Ferris as Ma Larkin in
Darling Buds of May
by H.E. Bates

as into my hand Mike the postie

pressed a real letter.

Remember those?

This sported an air mail sticker, a proper stamp

 (the ones you lick) featuring fruit and berries.

Cutting short the genial chit-chat, I scuttled back to my burrow in the Weald.

A letter addressed to me, from the other side of the world.

Crinkly paper, hand-written with real ink.

My excitement knew no bounds.

WDinL's

(Wicked Daughter-in-laws)

mother has recently emigrated. 

 Joy filled every line, happiness oozed.

Dread ever so slowly crept up on me...

Oh crumbs... I've got to reply...

like real writing...

none of this blogging clap-trap.

Aah... I've got a bad thumb so I will have to type my reply

 flitted across my mind.

Added to which, and don't ask me why, my thoughts are conveyed so much

smoothlier via a keyboard?

I put it off; I even put it off until I couldn't put it off a moment longer.

I opened Word and every cotton-picking one of them deserted me.

You've heard of ham actors, this was a ham 

(and none of your knitted, processed, plastic ham either)

wordsmith at her best.  The only thing I didn't do was exit stage left.

I stuttered, I stumbled, woodeny was wot I was. It didn't flow, it sounded trite

and contrived as if this isn't, I ask you?

The crux of the matter is...
There really is no news here...
Why?
Cos I'm Billy No Mates.
I live tucked out of the way, where nobody can find me,
I don't go anywhere, don't see anybody.
Confined to barracks due to Lettice, our lovable mutt,
 who is fifteen on St Valentine's day.

Here she is asleep in the garage last summer

And like the advert says
'She's worth it!'

Aaah!  What to say, there's only so much gooey-wooey
things you can say about our shared offspring.
Plus I'm not a sun shines out of their bot sort of mother.
Battle-axe-say it like it is-preferably with socking great knobs on-
100% bomb proof-Oooh Matron! Robin starched phantom of fear- me!

Word has failed me:
Words fail me.

I know, I'll just send her this
http://letticeleaf-blog. blogspot.co.uk 
on a bit of paper.
In these austere times, seems to me as if I've cracked it;
plus she may even become a follower!
I may even get to 40,
must confess I don't feel it.